Diary of a Nonworking Girl

Back on the blog and ready for Brit!

2009-04-29T22:03:00.003-04:00

I would have to say it's been a good week. I started a new job as a managing editor, I am going to see Britney Spears in concert for my bachelorette party (see video immediately below) with some of my best friends and, finally, I don't have swine flu.

Now, I realize it's been quite some time since I last made you laugh hysterically, and, for that, I apologize. I've been horribly rude, inconsiderate, selfish, [insert adjective of how you envision me for leaving this blog here]. But the truth is, I wanted to see what you guys thought I should turn this blog into. Now, the poll has closed, and here are the results:

Keep it coming as often as possible in this same style!	9 (22%)
GET OVER IT. You're a Working Girl, not a Nonworking Girl. We're done.	8 (20%)
Switch the tone of the blog to follow life as a Working Girl.	15 (37%)
Change the style of the blog to something else, but keep it.	8 (20%)

So what I'm gathering from this poll is that I must, must, must keep the blog...but how I do it is up to me...but I'll try to change the tone to follow my new life.

Here we go.

This week, I started work on Monday. I was horribly tired, as I am on medicine that apparently makes me unable to sleep. After work, I came home and attempted to catch up on all of the TV I missed during the day, but to no avail. I apparently was watching way too much during the day to still keep up on my shows at night. Needless to say, I was thoroughly disappointed and contemplated quitting my new job so I could watch TV.

Not really.

But it might have crossed my mind.

The next day I convinced myself I could get through that TV if I just really, really devoted myself. After watching about 30 minutes of the "Today" show in the morning and catching up on about two game shows before Patrick got home, that was it, and I surrendered myself to deleting these shows from my DVR and my life. And then I cried.

Not really.

But it might have crossed my mind.

Today, I went to work and devoted myself to packing for my bachelorette party/bridal shower/weekend in Napoleon. I resigned myself to the fact that all I needed to do was catch up on my prime time TV from this week, and I accomplished my goal. I even met my goal of quitting watching "The Hills."

Not really.

And it really didn't cross my mind.

So now, I'm preparing for bed as I half pay attention to "The Duel 2" and wondering why I am even devoting half of my attention to it. I am really just anxiously awaiting seeing my idol, Brit, on the stage tomorrow. Perhaps I will provide you all with some high-quality photos from this concert.

Because what better things does a Working Girl have to do than upload photos of Britney while at work? Perhaps if I knew that, I would never have been a Nonworking Girl in the first place.

Juuuuust kidding.

--
Any ideas of what I should blog about, now that I don't have a job? I realize this blog wasn't funny, but I might need a little ammunition. As my college roommate once told me, "unemployment makes me wittier." So now I am completely drained of wit, knowledge and ideas.

I love college, I love springtime

2009-04-24T10:36:00.003-04:00

On this beautiful day, and in preparation for the 80-degree weekend, I will simply do a short post of things that nice springtime weather reminds me of:

1. Rollerblading trips to Frosty Boy in Napoleon.
2. Going boating out on the beautiful, pristine Maumee River.
3. Most of all, college.

As the song says, I love college. For those of you who knew me way back when, this might not seem like an accurate statement. But after I got through those first two quarters at OU (and, Patrick will say, started hanging out with him...not true), I began to take in everything that is Athens in spring.

You see, Athens, Ohio, in the spring is the most magical place on Earth. We used to say, as we would lay out behind Jefferson Hall freshman year, that Springtime in Athens is when ponies flowed like wine. Why? I don't know. But it made sense at the time. Anything could happen. It was magical.

You'll see it's magic in the video below (just turn down the music. It is not magical.).

Go out and enjoy your magical day. I hope I didn't make anyone too sad, either because you went to OU and miss it or because you didn't go to OU and are depressed now.

As for me, it's time to pretend I'm still in college and watch "Price is Right," then lay around all day. I love college.

Live like I'm unemployed

2009-04-23T10:49:00.003-04:00

Years ago, Tim McGraw had a big hit, "Live Like You Were Dyin'." Well, I'm not dying. But, my life as a Nonworking Girl is. So I've decided to compile a list of things I should do before I go back to work on Monday.

Ten things Tim did, according to the song:

1. Went skydiving.
2. Climbed the Rocky Mountains.
3. Rode 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu.
4. Loved deeper.
5. Spoke sweeter.
6. Gave forgiveness.
7. Became a better husband and friend.
8. Went fishing.
9. Read the good book, aka the Bible.
10. Analyzed how he would live his life if he could all over again.

What I hope to accomplish by weekend's end:

1. Stop diving off of my steps onto the couch because I will have finished putting together the wedding invitations strewn across my floor.
2. Climb onto my couch to completely clear out my DVR from all the TV shows I've recorded but haven't yet had the chance to watch.
3. Ride to the dog park with Nick's dog, Miss Elizabeth.
4. Finally love Cleveland because the weather has decided to be nice.
5. Be sweeter...to myself and go shopping with money I still don't have.
6. Forgive Patrick for not letting me spend money these past few weeks that I've been unemployed.
7. Be a good friend and sister by going to see Nick and Katie's wedding band perform live!
8. Fish for compliments, like always.
9. Read a good book by finishing David Sedaris's "While You Are Engulfed in Flames." Maybe even read two, by reading "Tales of Beedle the Bard."
10. Analyze my life and why I am already going back to work. Then complain about it.

We lead similar lives.

Anything else I should do before I'm done being unemployed? I'm open to suggestions, and I've got four more days to enjoy the life.
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And just in case anyone was wondering, here are the results to yesterday's poll. Apparently, many of you think that I actually have a social life and can mix into Cleveland's inner social circles! Sheesh. I've got a lot of work to do (if this blog continues at all! Vote in the poll to the right!).

Gossip about the socialites of Cleveland: 40% (16 votes)
Pictures of me doing my day-to-day activities, like watching TV: 30% (12 votes)
TV show reviews and analyses: 17% (7 votes)
Live blogs throughout the day: 13% (5 votes)

A tribute to Nonworking Girl

2009-04-22T10:47:00.005-04:00

Today, we celebrate the life and death of this blog.

Oh, Blog, you had a short yet great life. But at just over 2 weeks old, they felt they had to take you away from your adoring fans.

Here's a picture of you at your birth:

And here is you on your last day. Such a beautiful life. My, how you've grown and changed.

We all apologize for Emily's rude behavior in getting a job yesterday. She meant no harm to you, and I know she will lose sleep over your death.

Emily couldn't be here with us today at this funeral, but sends out her deepest regrets about your death. In fact, she is hopeful that the fans of Nonworking Girl will want to keep her alive in spirit and has requested that, in lieu of gifts, you make a donation with a vote in the poll at right in Nonworking Girl's honor.

Please do your part to help keep Nonworking Girl alive as the author becomes a Working Girl again. Vote in the poll and remember the good ole days in which you loved to read about absolutely nothing in this blog.

Things I'm glad about

2009-04-21T10:57:00.005-04:00

Well, let's just start today's blog by saying I'm glad I never tried to offer my wares on Craigslist or sell my superstar child in India. I may not have money, but those are two things I will refrain from now and in the future.

I'm also glad that I have TV, as everyone reading this blog knows. So I've decided to instate a new weekly blog topic: what TV shows I'm looking forward to most this week. From now on, this blog topic will appear on Sundays, as no one seems to find it important to visit my blogs on Sundays. Perhaps this will change your mind!

Some shows I was looking forward to this week but have already watched: the days following the death of Edie, played by Michael Bolton's ex Nicolette Sheridan, on "Desperate Housewives;" coming-into-his-own college sophomore Rusty silently fights with his "little" frat brother Andy, played by Jesse McCartney on "Greek;" Serena gets fake married in Italy on "Gossip Girl;" and a 40-year-old woman looks for love with men in their 20s on TV Land's "The Cougar," hosted by Vivica A. Fox.

Coming up the rest of the week (I will be selective with my picks, I promise):

Tuesday
-"People's Court" Judge Marilyn Milan on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show"
-My man Delonte West and the rest of the Cleveland Cavaliers play their second playoff game against the Detroit Pistons
-Bob gets emotional, Jillian yells, Tara wins yet another challenge on "The Biggest Loser"
-Tori Spelling performs in her second episode of a four-episode stint as her iconic character Donna on "90210"

Wednesday
-An Earth Day special on "Martha Stewart"
-Stacey narrows the field of potential young lovers on "The Cougar"
-Someone else annoying goes home on "American Idol"

Thursday
-A random episode of "Bridget's Beaches," starring one of Hugh Hefner's many exes, just because I've never had the pleasure of watching before
-Tyson playing assistant coach to Coach on "Survivor," and hopefully turning his back on the dragon slayer
-Everything on NBC from 8:30-11. This is: "Parks & Recreation," "The Office," "30 Rock" and "Southland." Do I like all of these shows? I'm not sure, but I'll watch anything with Ben McKenzie brooding (see definition No. 3) and the guy who looks like an Indian version of my old coworker.

Friday & Saturday
-Catching up on everything I missed throughout the week because Friday and Saturday television is absolutely awful
-The Cavs winning their third game of the first round, Friday night at 7:00

--
What is there that I am just flat-out missing? What shows do you think I should start watching? Let me know! If you need to know any show times, also let me know. I'm a walking TV Guide.

So long, my money

2009-04-20T10:57:00.003-04:00

I have been convicted of fraud. And many of you have aided this criminal.

As you may notice, I no longer have ads along the bottom right-hand side of this blog. While I previously asked many of you to click on the ads to provide me my sole source of income (or, "give me spare change as I lie helpless on the side of the road," as my sister Megan so kindly compared it to), I didn't realize that clicking on the ads wasn't enough. (If you remember my previous post, I really would have just laid there, waiting for you to throw money at me. Remember this photo?)

Anyway, I got an e-mail from AdSense yesterday, the Google program that generates ads, saying my account had been disabled because it "posed a significant risk to our AdWords advertisers." I guess because people weren't staying on the ad sites long enough to make an impression, they realized it was all a scam to make me money. Oops. So, thank you for all your help (I was almost at $100!!), and I apologize for wasting your time.

So now I'm back to Square 1 on how I will get money to buy much-needed souvenirs at my upcoming Britney Spears concert (my bachelorette party!). Any ideas?

In other news, as we enter the third week of my blog, I have now been viewed in nine countries and 32 states more than 1,200 times. Who are all these people? I'm not sure, but I am thrilled they're here! For those of you reading, become a follower of my blog by clicking on the link on the right. I don't know what purpose it serves other than making me feel good about myself, but for a girl who's entering her third week of unemployment, a little self-esteem boost can't hurt.

A sign of the times

2009-04-19T13:37:00.004-04:00

Maybe everything really can be chalked up to timing.

Now, I love Ohio University and the E.W. Scripps School of Journalism more than most things in life (other than TV and Diet Mt. Dew), but according to this article in the New York Times, J-schools around the country are struggling to mesh the teaching of new Web-focused journalism tactics with old-school journalism principles. The biggest difficulty lies in the fact that no professor or dean—or anyone, really—knows where journalism is headed.

"Right now, there may be no other field of education where 'I don’t know' is spoken so often," the article states.

For now, journalism schools are shifting their focus to making sure students are completely involved in Web initiatives, from posting the articles they write in "news writing" class (what normally would have been written solely for printing in a newspaper) to designing a Web site in "online reporting" class (which would have mostly focused on how to research, write and edit for a Web site).

The thing is, I was just a few years too late. I didn't take any of the online classes OU offered (which was very few at the time), nor was there any effort to mesh print with Web at the time (to no fault of my professors, just the times).

So now I'm sitting, waiting for a job to come along that doesn't require knowledge of CSS, HTML or any other acronym that I know what it stands for but don't really have any clue what it means.

But I bet this girl does:

It's a beautiful day in my neighborhood!

2009-04-18T10:18:00.003-04:00

It's a great day in Cleveland today: Already at 10:20 a.m., it's 65 degrees, sunny and absolutely magical. So I'm going to do something different today. Rather than staying inside and sitting on my computer, watching TV, I'm going to try to be active...or at least sit outside and read a book.

So instead of a long-winded, well-thought-out blog today, I will leave you with a video that's been all the rage amongst those familiar with Cleveland this week, and yet another that is one of my favorite portrayals of this great city. (Warning: For those of you letting your children keep up on my blog, some of the language in the first video may not be suitable. But it is still hilarious.)

And finally, another fave.

Enjoy your day!

Listen up, loud and clear

2009-04-17T11:30:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, while watching "Price is Right," I decided that today I would blog about my favorite infomercial. Now, I know everyone loves the Snuggie (my fiance and I are the proud owners of two), and who doesn't get sucked in to the wonders of The Magic Bullet or the fantastic results of P90X? But I feel there is another product severely underrated when it comes to infomercial entertainment. And last night, while watching "Harper's Island," I realized it's seriously underestimated in importance.

You see, last night on the show, a hard-of-hearing minister was walking through the woods (see 3:31 for the actual clip) in a town where just years ago, seven people were murdered (and, little did he know, two more were killed just the day before, with many more to come). He kept thinking he heard something (a mass murderer, perhaps?), but because his hearing aid didn't work quite as well as he might have liked, he continued walking, thus getting caught in a booby trap set up in the forest. As he hung upside down for just mere seconds, the murderer somehow decapitated him.

Now, for all you hard-of-hearing ministers who walk through forests by yourselves when there is a murderer on the loose, I have a product that has caught my attention on more than one occasion: Loud 'n' Clear.

I know what you might be thinking: "But Emily, I don't ever walk in wooded areas alone. What good can this product do me?" Well, my friends, the simple answer is, "Everything." From eavesdropping on neighbors to hearing what the hottest girls at a party are saying about you, Loud 'n' Clear does it all.

So what about all of you? Has anyone contemplated purchasing this discreet product to make sure you hear your kids' voices so you can make sure they are still alive while you ignore them at a park or to help you hear the bingo caller at your local community center? I'm telling you, if I wasn't unemployed and had a disposable income, this would be my first purchase.

Or is there an infomercial that I'm missing out on and would actually be a better purchase for me?

My name is Emily, and I'm an addict.

2009-04-16T14:27:00.006-04:00

Today I had a second interview, and after 90 minutes of being an active, hygienic, valuable member of society, I'm back on my couch, watching TV, blogging and surfing the Internet. I'm a bit concerned that I'm becoming the guy in this video my friend Eric sent me.

Or, more concerning for my friends and family because they know how I live, I think this is my problem.

Yes, that's right. Like these stay-at-home moms who ignore their kids to stalk their friends from high school on Facebook, I am addicted to the Internet. And, like the guy in the video, I constantly sit at my apartment on the couch in front of my MacBook (with the TV in the ideal position directly behind, so I can pay attention to both). I applied for unemployment online. I think of things to sell on eBay. I look at eBay. I am becoming a hermit. I scour the Internet for new jobs. And I spend an unhealthy amount of time checking to see if people have voted on my poll (Rock the vote, people!). Honestly, no more than 20 minutes goes by that I don't have my computer in my lap.

Some of you might say, "Well, Emily, I'm sure this will change once [you get a job, Patrick comes back from Bermuda, you start filling the Red Box, insert any other excuse here]." But in reality, the answer is "probably not."

You see, I've been like this since we first got the Internet back in '96 or '97, when I would use more than half of the "monthly hours" our family was allotted by the Internet provider by chatting with strangers in chat rooms, and then screaming when our dial-up connection dropped in the middle of my deep discussion on the merits of Justin Timberlake over J.C. Chasez.

Fast-forward to today: I can't go more than an hour without checking my e-mail, and if I had to be without a computer for a few days, I would need Klonopin to calm my anxiety.

Yet I do not see my addiction as a cause for concern. After all, if I wasn't such an addict, you wouldn't have this enthralling blog to read every day, right? You would sit around, thinking "I wonder how I could spend the next three minutes" and feel completely lost, without anything to do.

And in the end, maybe that makes you just a little bit addicted too.

Drumroll, please.

2009-04-15T11:08:00.006-04:00

The people have spoken, and my career has been decided. Though "keep trying for journalism" made a last-minute pull toward the front, alas, it couldn't hold off my true destiny as the "Girl Who Fills the Red Box with Movies" (see results below). Today, I ventured out to get a glimpse of my future, and I'm very intrigued.

But I suppose we'll have to wait and see what happens with my application in at Dave's Supermarket. If it doesn't work out, I've got a job interview tomorrow in journalism, so perhaps 12 of you might just be right. Perhaps not, though.

16: Girl who fills the Red Box with movies
12: Keep trying for journalism
11: Nutritionist
10: Teacher
4: Lawyer

Vote in the new poll to make decisions on how I should continue the blog!

In other news, today so far has been filled with talk of wedding planning (on "Today" and "Martha Stewart"), sexting (this makes me uncomfortable) and pirating (people, not music. See video).

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The Buc Stops Here

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I also got this great blog tip-off from a former coworker (thanks, Stacey!), and had lunch with another former coworker (thanks, Steph!). Other former coworkers, what have you done for me lately, other than beat me out in a reality show competition?

Happy Tax Day!

The price is wrong, Cleveland.

2009-04-14T15:23:00.004-04:00

Now Cleveland, don't get too excited, but you were just auctioned off.

Alas, no one wanted you.

At least, that's the way it seemed. You see, in the Showcase on "Price is Right" today, a trip to Cleveland was up to be won. Cleveland native Drew Carey said it was his all-time favorite showcase prize.

The contestant was bidding on a trip to Cleveland to watch a first-round Cavs playoff game in luxury seats (plus home-theater recliners, Cavs Fathead accessories and a Harley-Davidson motorcycle). In his trip to Cleveland, he was provided with roundtrip airfare, two nights at the Cleveland Renaissance hotel and a $200 gift card to the Cavs team shop. Oh, and ground transportation, so congratulations, they'll give you an RTA fare pass.

Anyway, the guy looked really excited. He must love Delonte.

But then he bid $75,000.

$75,000.

That's more than pretty much any prize I've ever seen on the show. More than trips that would visit every continent in the world. And all he wanted to do was come to Cleveland. (Total price, including the motorcycle: $21,000.)

He must have been trying to throw the showcase. There is no way he could have been serious. Absolutely no way.

But if he was serious...if the bidder honestly thought the prize was worth $75,000...I'll give him a deal. I will let him come stay at my apartment for $74,000 if he really thinks Cleveland is that great.

I'm sorry they couldn't give you away, Cleveland. Better luck in your next venture.

Unemployment lessons from a 9-year-old

2009-04-14T13:33:00.004-04:00

My eldest niece, Sophie, was here visiting Sunday night until today. In between episodes of "iCarly," she helped me learn a few things:

1. I can sell my belongings to make more money. She sold some furniture and clothing in her Webkinz world, and she became rich.

2. It's really OK if you don't shower every day.

3. It's also OK—awesome, even—if you sleep 11-12 hours every night.

4. You're never too old (or too poor) for some things, like cartoons and sleeping with stuffed animals. Similarly, you're never too young to settle into life as a game-show lover.

5. It's not always important to eat breakfast, but it is always necessary to eat candy. Especially free candy that you get from the Easter Bunny.

I also discovered that Hannah Montana/Miley Stewart (Cyrus) really CAN have the best of both worlds (what a relief!), that Sam, Carly and Freddie are a Webisode trio made in heaven, and that it is possible to know every word of a cartoon—even one that has 126 episodes.

So thank you, Sophie, for coming to visit. Maybe some day I'll create one of those oh-so-hilarious posters: "Everything I ever needed to know in unemployed life I learned from my 9-year-old niece."

In other news, the poll is closing in just a few short hours. Be sure to log your final vote—I may just go to my local Dave's Supermarket for a Red Box application tomorrow if that holds up! And check back tomorrow to see how you can control my life next!

Week 2 gets its start

2009-04-13T09:27:00.004-04:00

Today at about 2:30, it will be exactly one week of unemployment for me. Congratulations are in order, don't you think? Over the past week, I've managed to keep a positive attitude about being unemployed (through the help of this blog), I've started looking for jobs or other alternatives, I've gotten opinions on my next career move (see poll; only two more days left to vote!), I've watched more TV than any human being ever should, and the Obamas got a dog. What a week!

But now a new week has begun, and it's time to have another exemplary week. Any suggestions as to what I might do? On the schedule for today: Seeing "Hannah Montana: The Movie" (not a joke), going to the mall and watching "Greek." You see, after being unemployed for a week, I have not only reverted to my slobbish, unshowering ways, but I've also become a jobless 12-year-old. (Also, my 9-year-old niece is in town visiting. That might sound more logical.)

This day might not sound up to the high standard I set for myself last week, but I assure you it will be.

Take, for example, now. I must go because I've got an intense game of War waiting for me (perhaps I will write a review of Miley later). It's so much more fun being unemployed when you have someone to share it with.

So what should I do this week? Any ideas?

Happy Easter from the Nonworking Girl

2009-04-12T10:39:00.002-04:00

Now, I don't mean to bring everyone down on Easter, but I have two rather sad messages:

1. This will be a short blog today, due to the holiday.

2. I have only watched 45 minutes of TV since Thursday night.

Don't worry, this should not be a serious cause of alarm for everyone. Instead, people should be happy that I am choosing to spend time with family and friends around the holiday rather than secluding myself with my DVR.

But I see your concern. "Emily, what will you blog about if you don't have TV?"

My answer: I'm really not sure. I feel I've really let everyone down lately, first with a job interview and then with the news that I haven't even watched television. I'm slacking. I will step it up soon, I assure you. But since I don't have much news to say, and because I have to get on my way to an Easter celebration, I will simply leave you with this video:

A great Good Friday

2009-04-11T10:59:00.006-04:00

Yesterday was a Good Friday for some, a heartbreaking one for others.

You see, folks, yesterday I had a job interview. A position they want to fill within the next couple of weeks. A couple of weeks? I thought I had this unemployment thing down for at least a month or two! Don't worry, I probably still do. It's highly unlikely that I will get the position, so you're still in a good, long while of entertaining blogging.

I know some of you probably see this position as an opportunity—a great one. "Emily, you just got laid off and you already have a job interview. That's great any time, but in this economy, it's spectacular!" a few of you might be thinking.

But I can hear others of you bemoaning this fact. "Emily, you just got started on this creative, spectacular, wonderful, well-written, fascinating blog about your life. Don't leave us now!" most of you scream in exasperation.

Well don't worry. It was just an interview. But because it was such a Good Friday, I'm thinking maybe it will lead to more.

While out to eat last night with my family in Perrysburg, I got a good luck charm: The Happy Buddha cocktail. This delicious concoction included a mix of spirits and some orange juice and pineapple juice. Plain and simple enough.

But—here's the real kicker—it came in this take-home souvenir cup. And yes, I did drink out of a straw in the middle of his chest.

"Where was Emily that she could get such a sweet take-home souvenir cup—Cedar Point? A Disney on Ice performance? A Cavs game?" you might wonder in awe as you look at that awesome porcelain figurine. (Or, for those of you who are a little more cynical and not taken in by the awesomeness of knick-knacks, you might say, "Who pays extra money for a cup that they will never use again?" The parents of an unemployed 24-year-old who needs some good karma, that's who.)

To recap: Yesterday I had a real job interview, I got a Happy Buddha cup, my friends bought me a delicious Cheery Freeze from Frosty Boy and President Obama said he sees "glimmers of hope" in the economy.

If you don't mind me taking the words out of your mouth one more time, I know you're thinking, "Things are really turning around here in the U.S. of A."

You all are right, my devoted readers. And I think we all know who to thank for this beam of light at the end of the tunnel: Happy Buddha.

The death of an industry but not the death of me

2009-04-10T10:12:00.001-04:00

Last night, while catching up on Wednesday night's episode of "The Colbert Report," Stephen had on a guest to discuss the death of the newspaper industry. That guest was Phil Bronstein, editor at large of Heart Newspapers and former editor of the San Francisco Chronicle. (Little-known fact: My Aunt Gina eyed Phil cheating on his [now ex-] wife Sharon Stone while at a restaurant. The next day, the couple filed for divorce.) Stephen's first statement to Paul: "Sir, you're a newspaper editor...so I assume you're here applying for a job?" Sad.

Anyway, for my fellow journalists out there, it was an interesting interview on how the newspaper (and, I'm assuming, all print mediums) are being killed by free news on the Internet. He even said that at a recent publishers' meeting, they discussed using micropayments for news, similar to how iTunes uses payments per song. It's a sad yet funny clip, and if you're interested, you can watch it below. If not, scroll past for more news.

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It was recently suggested that I spend the day watching daytime TV judges. Well, I did. And it was awful.

BUT, I found a bright spot: I do not want to be a lawyer (sorry to those of you who voted for that as a career choice for me). If I were a lawyer and had to deal with judges who acted like Judge Judy, Judge Christina, Judge Penny, Judge Alex and the many more who I forced myself to watch (also, sorry Judge Feldman, Judge McColley and any other friends' parents who are judges), I would honestly die. And I don't want to die.

I also don't want to be a lawyer. So again, thank you, unemployment, for helping me refine my career focus.

My attempted trek to the old office

2009-04-09T10:17:00.005-04:00

Today I woke up early with the best intentions. I was going to go downtown, sit outside my building and beg. Should I beg for food? Should I beg for money? Should I work for donations, doing a little jig for passersby? It was a big decision.

Here's what I decided on. ------>

Would it make my coworkers feel awkward? Would it make my boss feel bad? Would it make the EVP of the company give me my job back? Yes, yes and absolutely not.

BUT, I think they would all realize that if my company were to ever go on the new Fox reality show, they would have to keep me solely based on the facts that I have cute cheerleader handwriting and I'm creative, replacing "for" with "4." Talk about being efficient! Plus, they'll always have someone who can make posters for pep rallies, which happen all the time in the corporate world.

Unfortunately, I didn't make it downtown today. I got distracted by news on the "Today" show that Harlequin novels are on the rise during the recession (which makes me convinced I perhaps could stay in writing) and that Bob Barker almost went into the adult film industry (complete with a really dirty, inappropriate and uncomfortable comment from Bob himself).

Instead I have done/will do the following today:

8:30-10: Watching "Today" show and starting on this blog post.

10-11:30: Watching "Crosswords," "Family Feud" and "Trivial Pursuit" while finishing up this blog post. Get a can of Diet Mt. Dew at 11.

11:30-12:15: Watching "The Price Is Right" and eating lunch. This will be my first real meal of the day, for I fear that I don't have enough money to eat my normal three meals plus two snacks daily.

12:15-1: Watching "The Martha Stewart Show" and perusing job postings (probably only for about 15 minutes, due to the lack of available jobs).

1-2: Watching "The View" and being annoyed with Elisabeth (please, just go back to "Survivor")...and everyone else on the show. Predicting how it will play out on the next episode of "SNL." I also will put in a load of laundry.

2-5: Really? I can watch judge-related shows for this long (taking into account the fact that I will be watching all of them DVRed and without commercials!!)?? I will work on my resume at this time while hearing about domestic disputes and people arguing over who owes who $10. Get another can of Diet Mt. Dew at 3 o'clock sharp.

5-6: Catching up on "The Hills" from Monday, as well as "The Daily Show" from last night. Realizing my life is pathetic, but not being too concerned.

6-7: Dinner and television with Patrick.

7-8: "Wheel of Fortune" and "Jeopardy." I must watch "Wheel" this week so I can enter to win a trip to Orlando...because it is my sole mission to enter any contest I can.

8-10: Watch two episodes of "The Office," "30 Rock" and "Parks & Recreation." Try to watch some of "Survivor." Also manage to fit in Pilates at some point while watching TV.

10-11: Resident brooder Ryan Atwood from "The O.C." comes back to Thursday nights in "Southland." My life becomes complete.

11: Head to bed, preparing for the entire routine to start again. Am I a little embarrassed of this schedule? Yes...a little. But I love TV too much to really care.

The reality of layoffs

2009-04-08T13:26:00.000-04:00

So I just got really excited. I saw the Yahoo! News headline "Fox to make reality TV show out of company layoffs."

I thought for a second, "Wow, this is my shot. I got laid off. I can be on a reality show. I'm funny."

But to no avail. Instead, they're going to fire people on TV...at the discretion of the employees (as ruthless as when Jason dumped Melissa on "The Bachelor?" Hit 'em while they're down, I guess.).

So basically, had my company been on this Fox show, my coworkers and I would have worked together to decide who to fire. Would I have voted for myself? Perhaps...so I could then make sure I'm at home to watch myself be fired on TV.

My dream job

2009-04-08T10:11:00.000-04:00

I've decided to use this undetermined amount of time that I'm a nonworking girl (days, weeks, months, decades) to figure out what it really is that I want to do with my career. Do I get out of journalism all together? Do I keep attempting to find jobs that just aren't out there?

It turns out, in just the two days that I've been jobless, I've found it: being unemployed.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm going to keep looking for a job. I'm not one to just live off unemployment checks for the rest of my life. And when it comes down to it, I'd be really, really bored if this is what I did all day, every day. But when I was just sitting here thinking, I hearkened back to a time just a couple of weeks ago when I was asked about my dream job.

I was at my best friend Katie's house for an engagement dinner (she's marrying my brother Nick). Anyway, we decided to play a version of "The Newlywed Game." Katie's brother, being the excellent host he is, asked the males, "What is your mate's dream job?"

Whether it's because he knows me a little bit too well or because he just thinks I'm a lazy slob, my fiance Patrick wrote down "getting paid to watch TV," which almost perfectly matched my answer of "sitting and watching TV."

And that's what I'm doing now. See how happy it makes me? I love watching TV! Hooray!

I've even managed to fill up my DVR with more TV shows, which I wasn't quite sure was possible. And I'm broadening my horizons: Not only am I watching my usual game shows like "The Price is Right" and "Who Wants to be a Millionaire," I'm also watching the never-washed-up Christopher Knight ask the country pointless questions on "Trivial Pursuit: America Plays" and I'm brushing up on my English with "Merv Griffin's Crosswords."

Here's just a sampling of what I've got on tap today. You'll also notice I'm watching the "Today" show in the upper-right-hand corner, so don't worry that I'm just filling my days with smut.

So being unemployed in Cleveland isn't all that bad. At least I've got TV.

Got any TV shows for me to watch? I'm open to suggestions. After all, I've got nothing better to do.

Also, if anyone's interested, I'm willing to DVR shows for you (and maybe even grace you with my presence while you watch them) if you're willing to pay me. Just an option.

And so it begins

2009-04-07T14:53:00.000-04:00

Some may say I had it coming to me.

First of all, I went into journalism. Print journalism. In the age of digital. "Great idea, Emily," you might think in an all-knowing voice. You and your sarcastic ways would be right.

Secondly, I moved to Cleveland. CLEVELAND. The mecca of journalism? "Great idea, Emily," you say again. "Why thank you," I reply.

Third, I worked for trade magazines about the hotel industry. Hotels. Travel. Exactly what no one is doing during a recession. "Great idea, Emily," you say once more before I stab you in the eye with my unused writing utensil.

And finally, every day since the recession really hit our magazines, I sat at my desk (see right) and developed some new scheme as to why I was getting fired, when it was going to happen, why it would happen to me and what bar I would retreat to after I got canned to beg for free pity drinks. Usually my thoughts were completely unfounded and based on me attempting to start office gossip.

Not so yesterday. It actually happened.

And so now I'm beginning my journey as an unemployed 24-year-old with a degree in an industry that keeps making the news (irony?) as a dying business.

Where will it take me? What will I do to fill my days? Probably nowhere and nothing, respectively. But please keep reading to find out. I promise to bring humor and correct grammar to a situation that, to be blunt, sucks.

And feel free to e-mail me. I'll be around for the next three months or so. [insert laugh here]